Mindfulness may come naturally to some people, but I am certainly not one of them. As I am beginning to get scattered this afternoon, I thought a reminder of ways to stay mindful may be called for. Of course, part of me is already thinking that mindfulness, true, authentic mindfulness, may not lend itself to a short list of tips. Take them in, dwell on them, and if they work for you great. Otherwise modify as needed.

1. Hold your own hand through difficult feelings. Here’s what I mean: I just had a nasty bout of really difficult feelings. First came jealousy. Wow. Certainly not a feeling to be proud of, but one that washes over (and through) me every once in awhile. It’s one thing to know that I am supposed to observe myself feeling this feeling non-judgmentally…it’s another thing to do it, without any help. So, as I step back and allow myself to feel jealousy, I also mentally hold my own hand, tell myself that it is going to be okay.

What happened as I held my hand and allowed myself my jealous moment? I stayed calm through it, calmly remembered the LuluLemon quote “Jealousy always has the opposite consequence from what you intended” (or something like that) and ended the moment by feeling compassion for the woman I felt jealousy toward (The funny thing is that I almost always feel jealousy toward the contributors to big magazines…these are people I don’t know at all, and are most likely very likable…)

No one is listening to your self-talk, so say whatever you want. Be as cheesy and baby-ing as you want to be (or more, actually…) If you are alone, you can try hugging yourself. Even taking one hand in the other, though, can ground you.

2. Breathe. It’s like a cliche, but it works. If you practice breathing daily, then in difficult moments, you can fall back on this one and it will take you right to a centering place where you can observe the present moment without judgment.

Take just 5 minutes a day, at any time of day, to begin to practice breathing. An easy breath awareness consists of counting 4 breaths in, hold 4 counts, and releasing for 8 counts.

3. Soft belly meditation. Decide to stay aware of tightness in your belly. Every time you become aware of a tightness in your belly, stop and consciously relax your belly. It sounds simple…

4. People often make the excuse that they are too busy (important) to be mindful…try this: if you have a situation where you are asked to do many things by many different people all at once, it’s true, you certainly can’t stand there and start slow breathing. You can’t just plop down on the floor and sit cross-legged and start chanting. You can’t stop everyone while you procure a grape to peel and eat slowly. That would not make you mindful, that would make you a Diva. Or a selfish something or other. (okay, you would still be a beautiful child of God, but you would be acting like a spoiled such-and-such…)

What you can do, though, is consciously meet each person’s eyes as you make your decision. You take in one breath, lock eyes, make contact with the person, and acknowledge the light of God in the person you are in front of. Whether that person is a small child, your boss, your enemy, client, whoever.

When I am able to do this, it reminds me of a movie sequence that flips between fast motion and stop time; fast motion and stop time. No, I can’t do this all the time…but when I can, wow.

5. Meditate. What an easy thing to say you are going to do…but we seem to have decided to clutter it up with kitchy nick knacks. To be successful at meditation, first, you should rid yourself of the idea of the perfect meditation moment. Next, you should realize that, unless you are the Dalai Lama or the Pope or someone with the brain of a goldfish, you will not find this easy.

Decide to try for 5 minutes…then 7, then 10, until you reach 25 or 30 minutes per day. But allow for human-ness: perhaps your curve will go 5 minutes for one week, graduate to 15, back to 7…then jump to 20. You are a child of God, not a machine or a robot. Your spiritual growth will not be linear.

I find some meditation sessions to be like a rollercoaster. I literally hold on to something near me to stay grounded. When weird thoughts happen, and they will, acknowledge them and allow them to come back later. Resist the urge to judge them…but if you do judge them, and you might, because you are human, resist the urge to judge the fact that you judged your thoughts. Just keep breathing and letting go of your thoughts.

6. When you have an intensely negative thought about a person, allow it, and then try to realize that it’s not about that person, it’s about you. There is most likely something in that person that triggers something you need to work on in yourself.

This is not the easiest thing in the world to accept. However, if you can assume that 99% of the time, this is going to be the case, that helps override your defensiveness. Your defensiveness will rise up and try to tell you that this time is different *this* time, *this* person is really evil, really. You just sit right down with defensiveness (your Ego) listen to it, maybe put your arm around it if you feel so inclined. Make sure your Ego feels listened to. And then, though you have listened, decide to not heed its advice. Instead, see the child of God in this person who has upset you, and work toward compassion.

7. Work toward compassion. Don’t expect automatic compassion. Compassion is a great complement to mindfulness. Work at it. One game I like to play is to pick someone who I feel farthest from and strive for compassion for that person. It can take years to achieve in some cases, but it is a great way to grow and allow more depth. And, honestly, the more compassion I feel, the easier it is to be mindful of others…

8. Practice grace. Allowing each other to not be perfect, to accept that all of us is a work in progress, can make everyone’s day go a little smoother. This one is a bit tricky. It’s easy for family and close friends, once you get in the habit, since you love them and want to unconditionally accept them. For co-workers and people you may not yet consider close friends but need to work with, well, that can be another story. Certainly, practicing grace does not mean becoming a doormat. Practicing grace does not mean you get to be a martyr, or get to act superior to these idiots who keep mucking things up…it’s a delicate balance. You’ll know when you’ve got it. Often times, what helps me with grace (like a cheat) is to remind myself (silently) of a time I have made a similar mistake.

Even if you practice grace, you still have to do difficult things, like discipline children or tell your husband (or wife) that that thing he said or did really made you feel crappy…

There’s an extra credit gold star bonus round mindfulness point for trying to stay mindful while practicing grace…

I’m thrilled with what I’ve gotten out of joining She Writes. Though I have to be careful not to waste too much time reading, I’m learning enough to keep me busy for quite awhile.
Nelson’s skies are a blank slate of white/grey, and with little snow on the ground, the brown landscape does little to inspire. I wonder if it is possible to find beauty in the brown/grey/white backdrop?
I’m reminded of David Hockney now. I read that he lived in Los Angeles because of the light there. I can understand that. I am trying to conjure a memory of that light right now. The contrasts, the sharp lines. In Nelson, lines are blurred and the light not as harsh and brilliant.
I understand that David Hockney has moved back to his hometown, I believe in the north of England. I want to write that, perhaps like Hockney, I will be able to make peace with this dreariness and work. Hmmm. First, I’m not Hockney. Second, I can’t write well enough this morning to make that not sound contrived and lame.
Can I blame it on the weather?